A Massage Therapist’s Top Ten

Debates roar among massage therapists about which are the best oils, the best draping, and the most effective techniques. Yet never have so many argued so passionately about this question: whether to start clients in the supine or prone position. O the polarity!

So many have crusaded with passionate arguments about breath patterns, face-cradle wrinkles, sinuses, etc. But we all know the real reasons to start up or down is exigency.

Let’s hope the clients never find out.

Sue’s Top Ten Reasons to Start Massage Clients Facedown:

(Guaranteed to be from actual experiences in the Wild Wacky World of Hurry Up and Relax!)

10. My neighbor upstairs likes to stomp on the way to and from her cradlesnatcherhourly cigarette break.

9. Whatever you had for lunch, I’m investing in a dab of peppermint under the face cradle.

8. Your assistant called ahead and asked me to put you in a coma.

7. I am hoping you won’t notice the sudden appearance of wet stains on the ceiling.

6. Your spouse made this appointment and asked me to keep you here for at least two hours so she can get in a nap.

5. We can’t get the flashing-light fire alarm to stay off. Perhaps it has to do with someone’s bright idea to dry body brushes in the microwave.

4. The rips in the sheets might not be as noticeable.

3. I don’t want to listen to the rest of your multi-level-marketing pitch.

2. I went to lunch at the taco joint – beans!

1. Is that a hernia?

Of course, there is always the competing Number One Reason to Start Massaging Clients Face-Up: I can’t find the face cradle.

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