Snappy Answers to Massage Questions…

Sometimes the best relief on a massage table is nice, firm Swedish efleurage. And with some clients, a quip is the best way to break the tension.
This is my homage to Mad Magazine’s Snappy Answers to – Massage — Questions…

Question: Been doing massage long?
Snappy Answers: You’re my first.
Ever since the parole board let me out.
My first client was Abraham Lincoln. Lousy tipper.

Does massage hurt?
Snappy Answers: Only if you pay extra.
Depends on how you tip.
No one has ever survived long enough to tell me.

Where do knots come from?
Snappy Answer: Knott’s Berry Farm.
Did you go to school to learn this?
Snappy Answers:
Yup, and I got an A in Elbow.
No, I watched a video. Once.
No, my arrest record kept me out.

How many massages can you do in a day?
Snappy Answers:
Depends on what I did the night before.
Six good ones. You’re my seventh.
Dunno. It’s my first day.

Who massages you?
Snappy Answers:
My cat. I use a lot of Band-Aids, but it feels great when she stops.
I prefer to relieve my tension at the shooting range.
My massage therapist retired after I took up bread-braiding.

Do you hands ever get tired?
Snappy Answers: I never use them.
Only if I knit instead of knead. Lucky for you, I left my needles at home.
Sometimes. That’s why it’s a walk-on-you massage today.

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